There is a saying circulating online:Ability is the silver medal, networking is the gold medal, and thinking is the ace. That is to say, whoever has the ability and thinking also needs networking to add value to their life Indeed, it is inevitable for us to ask for help at times. As beneficiaries, we often reciprocate by saying 'I'll treat you to dinner another day'. I'll invite you to dinner another day ", some people just say it, owe a debt of gratitude, selectively forget, and are criticized by others. Someone conscientiously fulfills their obligations, invites the other person to dinner, does not owe each other, loses interaction, and the relationship gradually fades away. So, for those who help you, please don't use 'please eat' as a reward. When others give you umbrellas in the rain, you should learn to give others help in time of need, mutualism, and win-win cooperation. The essence of society is exchange But it's not equivalent exchange There is a saying in "Zengzhuang Xianwen: Zhu Zi's Family Instructions":The kindness of a drop of water should be repaid by a spring No one has an obligation to help you, don't take their kindness for granted. People with truly high emotional intelligence will adhere to the "principle of overcompensation" when repaying favors, transforming gratitude into practical actions. The essence of social interaction is exchange, but it is not equivalent exchange, but like usury, it requires greater exchange in order for such social relationships to last. Hu Xueyan was one of the famous Huizhou merchants in the late Qing Dynasty, with a kind-hearted homestead and a high reputation. There was a time when Hu Xueyan was living in great distress, receiving a meager salary, Eating chaff and swallowing vegetables, the clothes are covered in patches. To make matters worse, my cousin was seriously ill and had no money to treat. He was writhing back and forth in pain on his bed. Hu Xueyan couldn't bear to have his cousin suffer from illness and borrowed five taels of silver from his friend's wife, who did not hesitate to lend him. Without expecting anything in return, Hu Xueyan finally took down a wind rattan bracelet as collateral. That bracelet is of great significance to Hu Xueyan and is a souvenir left by his mother. In order to repay the favor as soon as possible, Hu Xueyan worked hard to improve economic conditions and paid off five taels of silver. But he refused to take back the wind rattan bracelet, thinking that he had only returned five taels of silver and not any favors. The wife of a friend has good financial conditions at home, and returning more silver is meaningless. Hu Xueyan decided to repay the other party in the future and then retrieve the bracelet. Later, this friend was ambushed by a villain in the mall, and Hu Xueyan immediately stepped forward, allowing the friend to successfully escape from Hukou. People are always mutual, and when they come and go, Hu Xueyan and his friends have a strong bond. Money and debt are easy to repay, but kindness is difficult to repay. Helping others involves emotional elements, which is not only an impersonal transaction, but also a bridge for maintaining interpersonal relationships between both parties. Rousseau once said:Without gratitude, there is no true virtue To repay a favor, do not blindly invite the other person to dinner, but uphold the virtue of gratitude, provide greater help to the other person in a timely manner, and keep love flowing and circulating. The value of gratitude should far outweigh the generosity of the other party. The person who can truly reach out to help you is a rare and valuable person in life. Cherish this kindness and respond, and engage in an exchange of love. Daring to owe kindness is a form of wisdom In psychology, there is a Franklin effect: The best way to make others like you is not to help them, but to let them help you. Of course, it is a duty for others to help you, and it is a duty not to help you. When asking for help from others, you should also be prepared to reciprocate. Having interactions, opening up each other's hearts, constantly creating opportunities for contact, and in the long run, the relationship will be unbreakable. The true relationship is the constant entanglement between two people. Today you owe me a little, tomorrow I owe you a little, you miss me, and I am grateful to you. When you dare not trouble others, you are closing your heart and not giving them the opportunity to approach you. Benedict tells a hilarious story in 'The Chrysanthemum and the Knife': Two friends cheered and went to buy ice water together, but one of them forgot to bring the money, so the other friend enthusiastically helped with the payment. Afterwards, the man lost his appetite and was restless like a monster devouring his heart. He longed to repay his friend's favor immediately. Under the torment of anxiety, he kept searching for opportunities to buy ice water for his friend, but in those few days, his friend did not have this need. This person chose to commit suicide due to a debt of gratitude and a heavy psychological burden, and it was all over. For this suicidal person, the kindness given to him by others has instead become a heavy shackle on his body. Being in debt of gratitude is not scary, what's scary is not being able to bear it and becoming an invisible pressure. When dealing with human relationships, one should dare to credit them. This is not about forgetting the other party's kindness, but about taking seriously and feeling the other party's friendship, recognizing others' contributions, and believing in one's own ability to repay. Establish an "emotional bank" and wait for the other party to withdraw at any time. If someone else helps you, and you immediately liquidate and settle it, it will damage the other party's face, like sending a signal of "breaking off" to the other party. As Song Siming said in "Dwelling Narrowly":The relationship is something that you have to move frequently. The more you move, the more it becomes unclear. The more unclear it becomes, the worse it becomes. If you can always distinguish between you, me, and him, you will be in trouble To owe a favor is not to cancel it in one stroke, but to "owe it back" and tighten the network of relationships, making the relationship more stable and lasting. A good relationship is mutual trouble No one is an island. Aristotle once said:People are social animals because no one can exist alone without society. If you are unwilling to trouble others, you will have to endure the loneliness and potential failures of being alone When everyone is fragile, don't just show off. Only by troubling each other can we establish relationships, enjoy happiness together, and share difficulties together. The TV drama 'Please Answer'1988》At first, Aze's father didn't want to trouble others, so he silently carried on many things. Faced with the warmth of his neighbors, he always remained silent and put on an expression of 'strangers are not near' every day, keeping the warmth of others away for thousands of miles. One day, he had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage, and De Shan's father happened to pass by and quickly took him to the hospital. In the hospital, Aze's father was alone, and his neighbors took the initiative to show their love, helping with cooking, delivering meals, and keeping an eye on his shop. Aze's father took the initiative to take the heartwarming olive branch thrown over by his neighbors, revealing a smiling face. Neighbors feel recognized and their relationship is successfully broken. In the early stage, Aze's father was afraid of consuming human feelings, afraid of being rejected, afraid of not being able to afford it, and had a low sense of entitlement. In the later stage, Aze's father, with a cold heart, gradually became warm and assimilated. He learned to trouble others, proactively make demands, ask Deshan to take care of his son, and also proactively help his neighbors. In this process, he no longer suppresses his true emotions and needs, but recognizes himself and believes that he is worth being helped. At the same time, he also established deeper emotions with other people in the Double Door Cave. He gradually understood that a good relationship is to trouble each other. There is a topic on Zhihu that goes like this:How did you gradually distance yourself from your best friend One of the answers received high praise:I don't know why. I used to come to him whenever I had something to do. Later, when I was busy with work, I lost the leisurely atmosphere of chatting, and when I had something to do, I was afraid of causing him trouble Fear of causing trouble to the other party has become a stumbling block in establishing strong interpersonal relationships. No one is an island, and those who dare to trouble others are more likely to have emotional connections and connect with each other. People who dare not owe a debt of gratitude will only be kept in awe and gradually forgotten. The higher the level of cognition, the more people know how to build bridges and pave the way by "troubling others and letting others trouble themselves", causing trouble to each other and entering a virtuous cycle in relationships. Japanese writer Yoshiko Okada wrote in the book "The Networking Lesson I Learned at Harvard":Our purpose in networking is not to be opportunistic or live a comfortable life. It is to use the power of our network to reach the stage of ambition and realize our life value I deeply believe that effective interpersonal relationships are not material exchanges, but value exchanges. People who help you, don't invite meals to repay. Create effective connections so that relationships can thrive. After requesting help from others, repaying favors must be excessive, because the essence of social interaction is not equivalent exchange. After owed a favor, don't be afraid of not being able to pay back, but take the initiative to take responsibility. Today you help me, and in the future I will help you. You need to know that life cannot be exciting alone. Only when people get into trouble with each other can they achieve each other and work together towards the future. If you are in a hurry, I will provide timely help. If you invest in peaches, I will repay Li and achieve a win-win situation. Trouble others, but also make them rely on themselves. Copyright statement: This content is for learning and communication purposes only. The copyright belongs to the original author or organization. If there are any copyright issues, please leave a message and contact us. We will correct or delete them as soon as possible. |
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